This is Getting Ridiculous

I'm going to blame it all on being cooped up for too long... now I REALLY know why the caged bird sings: what the hell else is she to do?

I have understood, and continue to understand, that this downtime has been predestined, and that as my body heals from all this trauma, so am I supposed to focus inward, and heal the traumas still living there.

Been doing it. So much god damned reflection over the past two months, I'm sick of myself! I've made steps forward, and steps back. I have written, and discussed. I have read, and pondered and questioned. I have found some answers, while others remain elusive. I have released pain, and confronted rage. I have re-connected with friends and family, just as I've slashed and burned more toxic people from my life. Blah, blah, blah... I'm bored now.

The good news is that I am mobile, and am slowly re-entering the world again. Looking forward to going out tonight, to see all my friends, hear their music, have a drink (or three or four). Feel "normal" again. Get back to my work: my album, my choir, my students soon enough. I know it's all coming, and I'm on my way. More patience is required day after day after day.

Everyone has been telling me: "You have to slow down. You can't keep running at this pace. Your body is telling you something." Shit, I even wrote a song about it yesterday, "Slow down, girl you gotta hold down, you don't wanna go down kicking both feet up off of the ground." It's just so hard. Not my style.

I've been thinking it would behoove me to get into some Buddhist practice of meditation, to do a cleanse, to make some significant lifestyle changes which might help me channel all this energy I'm blessed with into a healthier, steadier fashion. I'm thinking about it...

There's just so much I look forward to in my life, so much I want to accomplish. I have so many dreams and plans and projects... and want it all NOW! Again,"Patience, little grasshopper."

In the meantime, as I slowly emerge from this chrysalis, one delicate wing at a time, I'm forced to accept that there are limitations - physical limitations - and will be, for a while yet. I have no choice but to move slowly, to rest often, to be delicate... an Aries ram being delicate. That's some hooey if I do say so myself.

I'm just whining now. I'll stop. Let's be grateful instead that this has been and will be a temporary experience in my life. Many songs and poems have been born of it. Many friendships have been forged and cemented. My back is fixed, and likely for good. And for all the years I worked so hard, and desperately craved time to rest, well, I finally got it.

'Nuff said.