I have been hearing the call for some weeks and months now to return to this blog, and recreate my discipline with it. Each time I have sat down to write, I felt overwhelmed in trying to somehow "sum up" all that I have undergone in these months and years, which are about to inevitably change the tone and meaning of "This Woman's Work." The work has changed. My life has changed. This transformation has been gradual, but also quite rapid, in looking at the big picture. Trying to regurgitate the vast amount of experiences and steps along the journey would be futile - has been, which is I haven't been writing! So, today I have decided just to spew from the top of my head whatever thoughts come, as a first step, knowing that the story will reveal itself once I simply get back into this saddle.
If I look back to when I first started blogging, it was three years ago, in what I see now as the most transformational year of my life. I have written about it often here, so without going into so much detail, let's suffice to say: absolutely everything in my world from my family, to my marriage, to my work, to my music was stripped away from me. The Universe swooped in to feng shui my life, but I had no idea what the hell was going on. From my vantage point at that time, it made no sense and seemed unfairly cruel to be forced to accept, let alone survive, such massive upheaval, death and grief. Writing here was part of my catharsis: I was able to bare my soul publicly through entries, poems, and songs, which made me feel somehow still connected to this world, and not entirely alone and on my own. I wrote about my love life, my music, my desires, my family (much to their dismay), and pretty much anything that I couldn't contain healthily within me. Writing has always served that purpose in my life... as a means to unburden myself of the thoughts and emotions which take up too much internal space for me to function in a rational way. I wrote a lot in that first year or so, and as I began to heal and move forward on my new path, this blog was left behind.
A couple more years have passed since then and now, too much time to chronicle, really. And anyway, it's all documented in my journals. Who knows? Maybe someday this amazing story of rebirth will be shared in its entirety. But that's a huge project for another time, and mostly irrelevant for my new intentions here...
"This woman" has been doing her "work," and I have been posting little snippets of it here and there on facebook, which has resulted in the receiving of such heartfelt messages from such a vast and varied audience, supporting me on my path, encouraging me, and reflecting to me how my efforts have inspired them with their own. For this reason, I have been feeling called to begin to document my work here in greater detail, with the intention that my journey, and the transparency with which I share it, will continue to inspire and motivate more and more people. For, it is at this time on our planet that so many of us are awakening to our highest potentials, and others are in need of our assistance to help them along.
As I have made a spiritual discipline of my life, the true path of my soul becomes more and more visible and more in focus each and every day. Lessons have been flying in, and I have become more adept at recognizing them, and have figured out this little nugget of wisdom: if we just learn the lesson, and do what it is we KNOW we are being asked to do, life gets easier and easier, and flows more smoothly than we could ever imagine!
I have transitioned from a lifetime (30+ years) of living in a state of lacking, of guilt and shame, of depression, of addiction, and of struggle into a state of abundance and prosperity, balance, true gratitude, prayer, service, and incredible compassion and love.
I awaken earlier and earlier each day, because I am excited to be alive! I am tearfully blissful almost every morning, and feel spiritually connected to the Earth, to the Universe, and to everyone and everything around me as I walk through my days.
I no longer feel guilt or shame, because even when I make mistakes, I confess them immediately to myself, and to others, taking ownership and responsibility for my actions, and learning as much as I can from each and every situation to better prepare for the next. I still make mistakes. I still lose my temper. I still have a ways to go... but without carrying that toxic load of emotional burden, I am better able to process and grow, even from my worst days (although there are less and less and less of those).
I have largely given up worrying! Ha! That was a big one for me! I read a quote recently which exquisitely expressed a truth I have learned in these years: "If you are depressed, you are thinking of the past. If you are anxious, you are thinking of the future. When you are in the present moment, everything is in balance." I have learned to be present in my life. No longer ruing over things that have happened, things which can always easily trigger feelings of sadness, or anger, or longing. Trying hard not to be dreaming of the future - the future which is unknowable, and which always ends up different than how we once imagined it would be. I have been working on releasing my attachments to goals and end results, because we never know what will happen, or why!
I have learned to be PRESENT, to enjoy the PROCESS. I have learned to trust in God/dess, that I am being divinely guided and protected, and things are unfolding exactly as they should for my life. Living in this way, I am at peace. I get to enjoy each and every day for what it is, and if anything, can trust that by living this way, in a good and peaceful way, the Universe is working even more swiftly and smoothly to bring about positive results in my life.
The list goes on and on, and I will be sharing with you what I am working on, techniques I am experimenting with, resources I turn to, and my progress as well as my setbacks. We are all on this journey together, but in each of our own unique and individual ways, learning the lessons our spirits most need in order to transcend the old patterns and habits and ideologies which have kept us mired in a reality that doesn't suit is, or our true purpose in life.
Instinctively, somewhere deep inside, we know that there is a better way, a better life waiting for us, but it seems so far-fetched... these books we read, or new age stories we hear on tv, all seem too simple or kinda hocus-pocusey (is that a word?). Well, I am a very average, white woman from Minnesota. I have bared my many pains and struggles to you all here before. Maybe there was a greater purpose in that too: so that as I write of this new life now, you can easily go back and see that the changes I have made are attainable for everyone.
Just as I am sharing with you, others are sharing with me. We are all both the students and the teachers - no one of us is higher or better or further along than the next. We are all exactly where we are meant to be, and I wish to say that I HONOR YOU, whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever good or fucked up things you are doing in your life. You are perfect. However you are embracing your life, or denying it, you are unquestionably learning from it. That's the most any of us can do.
So, thank you for reading this less-than-eloquent introduction to the new day here at "This Woman's Work." I hope you will come back to visit, or even "follow" me here, to be sure you don't miss anything. I welcome your respectful and honest feedback and comments. I welcome the opportunity for mutual sharing.
From my most genuine heart, I love you. Whoever you are, you are divine, and as much a part of the Great Cosmic Source as I. We are all connected. I love you as an extension of my own being.
Blessing you on this day, and for all the days to come....
emily
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