I have always been chided by others for the intensity and fierceness of my rage... comical (to me, at least), because the real depth and full expression of it have really only ever been witnessed by a humbled few. This makes me laugh to myself (snickering witch that I am), for in knowing how transgressed people have become in catching wind of my heat, and how it has utterly changed one's previous estimation of my good nature and expansive heart, I muse to myself, "If only they had seen the REAL me..."
The truth about my anger is this: it has never come without warrant, and most usually, only after a series of offenses have amassed. I don't just fly off the handle for no good reason, nor am I prone to express myself in an unjust manner (hence, the reason why so few have actually seen the true ire of my fire). I am not without my social graces, despite what anyone would say - I am entirely deliberate in my deliveries, and thoughtful in my thrashings. And, on occasion, when I admittedly overstep my boundaries (God help the melodrama - but I am a performer, after all), I am quick to take responsibility and own and accept my trespasses. So, really, by most demonic standards, I prove to be most winning in my arguments - if only for my sense of propriety, if not for my argument alone.
Another virtue of my vexation (before I begin to sound immodest), is that for as grand and as awesomely awful as my furies may be, they are short lived (thank the sweet Goddess), and usually blow over just as soon as they are let out. Those that linger, however (and mind you!), those more deeply rooted umbrages which cannot be loosed by earthquake or explosion, those are ones to worry over.... chained to a deeper pain from this life or another, these tempt my violence - which even I wouldn't dare to guffaw.
However, I have come to respect, admire and celebrate my anger - particularly as I age, in my refinement of rage - for my enmity serves me in more ways than I had previously known. Most clearly, it stands as guardian of the boundaries of my deeper spirit. Where my heart or mind may convince me otherwise in any trying situation, my anger stands firm where I, or others would betray my very self. It jumps to the quick in my own defense, when I have lost sight of my own good sense, harkening me to see that now is not the time for patience, compassion or to forgive - now is the moment when Kali rises with Her sword at the neck, with Her enduring threat that should you take one more step, utter one more word, or cast one more look, you will become sashimi for Her feast of fury.
Ironically, anger serves best in love as well - or rather, where love is not, or can no longer be. Giving into tears and grief when the heart has been betrayed only prolongs the process - how many women have you known to sing their doleful dirge for weeks, months, even years after love has left them? I'd count myself as one of them, except that after all my horrid experiences, I find I have been most utterly cried out. This has proven to be a great boon, for anger is now the star of the show.... and when the heart ices over rather than melts, one can skate her way to a brand new day. No more being mired in the mush - I prefer a surer foothold on more solid ground.
It's true: anger usually bears its face, concealing a deeper sadness or fear. But, isn't that also a brilliant attribute? For when I fall to pieces, or cower in a corner, I become vulnerable to others abuses and manipulations - those vicious vampires who glamour a weakened mind so easily, head flopped to one side or the other in grief and despair, exposing the juicy jugular they come to feed upon. But when I bare my teeth, and growl from the depths of my being, others take heed with speed. My anger becomes the source of their fear, and they may throw nasty comments about me in the air, or gossip about my supposed cruel intentions.... but they reveal in their slandering their own vulnerabilities, and they never dare to come near.
Anger is fire and passion - it motivates and drives. It is an unstoppable and unyielding power, an uncontainable energy, a force which cannot be reckoned. Even the gods have been praised for their mighty vengeances. And, don't we all bow to the power and might of a hurricane, wildfire, earthquake, or flood?
Many have tried to shame me throughout my life for my anger, and today I throw your shame back in your own face. I celebrate, I honor, and I cherish my anger. It is one very strong component which makes up the totality of me, and I will not deny it. The Goddess gives and the Goddess takes away.
And when all has burned to the ground, new life shoots up into the cleared skies of day.
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