Me, But Not Me (1997)

(Avalon...)

Raised to believe in one life, one God,

one chance to Be,

I did not give thought to other lives

which may share a space within me, inside.

I confess, I am no prophetess,

no psychic who sees

me, but not me, in a time

long before me...

Yet, I have had dreams of a land that I know:

a stream, thick with trees,

and hushed hills to call home.

This land that I know, with its

Rings of Stone,

its apples, and faeries,

and thick mist hanging o'er ~

I can feel this land in the palms of my hands.

I feel my very soul has travelled the Sands of Time

and Space, to bring me here,

to this who-I-am now,

to this pretty good year.

But, then why do I long to be whom I once was ~

this woman, this priestess, an old crone before dust?

There were things I knew then that have escaped me by now...

No, not escaped... just hidden somehow.

It seems I could learn the secrets of the Earth,

the mysteries of Life,

the miracle of Birth.

Or, perhaps, if I dared to resist my own fears,

I'd throw out my calendar and live

a different year.

Not by months, nor weeks, nor days, nor hours,

but by when the Moon turns

and when the trees flower.

Or, still even more daring, I could now declare

that I don't believe God is in space somewhere,

but that the Goddess now holds reign o'er my spirit,

and She lives not in space, but inside me ~

hear it!

When I sing, She moves through me,

Her beauty and light.

Her passion is my freedom.

Her pain, my darkest night.

And I could start tending to mending Her Earth,

to live a clean life all covered in dirt,

and vow to share with the world what I know

about Birth and Life and calendars to throw.

But oh! There I go

starting again to believe that

I am me, but not me,

and these are my dreams.

But, the who-I-am-now has dreams of her own,

and though they are different, in some ways

it shows that she, who is not me - but once was -

is still me!

Still looking for faeries, and still craving babies.

And I can grow food, and I can mend clothes,

I can honor the Moon, and I even still know that

one life, one God, one chance to Be

may exist for some, but certainly not for me.

It seems the Goddess I know enjoys giving me life ~

and though each one is different, each one is right...